A time for reflection

It is almost August and I am reflecting on a few things. The past few months have been very difficult for me, both personally and professionally.

The school year ended with teachers in Saskatchewan going on strike for three days. This was not only a financial burden, it was also a blow to my professional self-esteem. I found the comments about teachers on the news sites and in the paper to be a big wake-up call for me. I always thought that teachers were well thought of by parents and students- in general. There is always a few rotten apples in the barrel, but the ignorant comments from Joe Public really stung and for the first time I was feeling bad about my chosen career. Not only did I feel attacked by the people of Saskatchewan, but I also felt that my government created a campaign against teachers to break us down morally and emotionally. A fact that was basically confirmed by our bargaining committee. I think this was the most upsetting; a government is supposed to protect and stand up for all of its citizens and here they were- planning and implementing a strategy designed to hurt. I know that I am 30 years old, but I think that my childish innocence about government was shattered. I am still sick to my stomach when I think about it and now we have gone to mediation for a small percentage more than the government offered and I wonder what it was all for? Why did we walk off the job, put ourselves out there for ridicule and to be broken? Was it worth it? I don't know.

Now it's summer and I'm supposed to recharge my batteries except that I have volunteered for a non-profit organization and the drama that has ensued has made my summer more stressful than working. I joined the board to help and a few of us seemed to do nothing but try to "manage" grown women who should know how to behave. Our leader is sick in the hospital and is fighting to recover from a serious illness and this drama was picked up by myself and a few others. I am exhausted and not sure how much longer I can do this for. I now feel like I can't resign because we've lost three pretty big contributors already and I feel as though I would be leaving the organization high and dry. I am also afraid that I will look like a shit for quitting. I don't know where it will end, but I know this, when I go back to school at the end of August, I will be cutting back.

When I get back to school, I will be faced with a multimillion dollar renovation and I am dreading that. We have basically been told that it will be 2-3 years of hell and we need to be prepared. Goody! I am prepared, but when my volunteer work is stressing me out and my work is stressing me out, something will give and I can tell you that my volunteer work doesn't pay my mortgage, so I know what will be cut out of my life. I hope it doesn't come to it, but I am prepared in case it does.

This blog has changed for me. It started out as an assignment for one of my grad classes, then became a sort of professional blog and now I think it will be my personal blog. The title fits. Nobody reads this, so it will be an online diary for myself and I will be able to trace my life through the postings. If you have stumbled across this blog by accident, I hope you will leave a comment and let me know that you were here.

That's what I think...

Katie